What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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