Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
