frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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