i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
