next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
