is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
