I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize