If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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