Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
