Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
