she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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