I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
