k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
