its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
