just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
