Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
