ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
