You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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