just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
