sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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