My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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