he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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