I could make wine with my vomit
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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