Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
