At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
