would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
