she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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