some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
