he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
