You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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