Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
