Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
