i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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