I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize