So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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