3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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