Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
