Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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