I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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