we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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