so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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