i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize