chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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