my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
