She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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