The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize