The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
