I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
