Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
