do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
