You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
