I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my being single is dangerous.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
