dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
