can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
