I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
