you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
