Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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