Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
