the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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