I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
