Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize