Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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