at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
