Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
