Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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