so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
