Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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