Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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