Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
