I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
