Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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